Crocs

Crocs have been out for a while now. They started out as the original "beach shoes" pictured above, and now have moved on to take new shapes and sizes, but one thing will always stay the same about them, they look like shit. I never owned a pair of Crocs, but I don't think that would have made any difference in my hatred against them. Crocs are an abomination and they need to be destroyed.

I always thought of Crocs as cheap dollar shoes you buy at a stand near the beach or something, but man was I wrong. I went on the Crocs website to check out the prices. A pair of Crocs costs thirty dollars? What the hell, are you serious? People actually pay thirty dollars for these things. What are they even made of? It looks like its some really cheap ass rubber, or even plastic. And they all come in those bright ass colors too. Why would I pay thirty dollars to wear a pair of bright red plastic abominations on my feet? I wouldn't, and I don't. What a waste of money.

I hate Crocs, and I hate the people that wear them too. They were made to be worn at the beach, but people grew accustomed to wearing them everywhere, and this is unacceptable. I've seen people wear these things almost every where, and every time I see some douchebag with Crocs on, I want to kick him in his crocs, if you know what I mean.

One day I was riding the subway train. Everything is quiet, and everyone keeps to themselves like most of the time. The train doors open and a swarm of businessmen in suits get aboard. A routine occurrence, except this time it was different. This time I noticed something, something that made me want to get up, knock the guys out, and leave the car without words. A businessman walks in train car in his thousand dollar suit, slick shades, briefcase, and he was blabbering about shit on his Bluetooth headset while picking at his Blackberry. He's already a douche for wearing that Bluetooth, but what's even worse, that's right, you guessed it, he had a pair of bright red Crocs on. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just shoot yourself right now before I have to. Red Crocs and a black business suit do not go together; hell, Crocs do not go well with anything, let alone on the subway. Get the fuck out of here, and do not even dare think of leaving your Crocs behind.

What's worse was, he sits down across from me. Now I get to stare at his shitty ass Crocs for the whole ride. It wouldn't have been so bad if his feet didn't smell. Oh yes, one of Crocs' many features, they are "odor-resistant and bacteriostatic." Well, you got that right, all the odor escapes the shoe through the barrage of holes on it and attacks everyone within a six foot radius of the wearer. Crocs not only look fucking ugly as hell, but they make your feet smell too. I've never seen a single person with Crocs who wore wear socks either. Have some fucking decency and wear some fucking socks at least. I don't want to see your ugly ass feet through your ugly ass shoes. "Well why are you looking at his feet in the first place?" Why? Well if his bright red Crocs didn't stick out so damn much I wouldn't have looked down there.

And now, the makers of Crocs have a special new product for douchebags just like the one I mentioned above. Crocs cellphone cases, so you can carry your Blackberry around in style. Fuck that.



Remember kids, say no to Crocs, because if you say yes, I will hunt you down and bust your balls.