Temporary Tattoos

Only in the 90's did temporary tattoos come with the exclusive Klansman tattoo, because wearing a temporary tat of a Klansman on your arm back then was the shit! "It lasts for days," and it's "incredibly realistic!" You know, just in case people didn't notice you have a Klansman on your arm the first time around, they'd have the opportunity to see it again tomorrow! And it's incredibly realistic, so everyone that sees it won't have to second guess themselves about it being a Klansman! Radical!

Crocs

Crocs have been out for a while now. They started out as the original "beach shoes" pictured above, and now have moved on to take new shapes and sizes, but one thing will always stay the same about them, they look like shit. I never owned a pair of Crocs, but I don't think that would have made any difference in my hatred against them. Crocs are an abomination and they need to be destroyed.

I always thought of Crocs as cheap dollar shoes you buy at a stand near the beach or something, but man was I wrong. I went on the Crocs website to check out the prices. A pair of Crocs costs thirty dollars? What the hell, are you serious? People actually pay thirty dollars for these things. What are they even made of? It looks like its some really cheap ass rubber, or even plastic. And they all come in those bright ass colors too. Why would I pay thirty dollars to wear a pair of bright red plastic abominations on my feet? I wouldn't, and I don't. What a waste of money.

I hate Crocs, and I hate the people that wear them too. They were made to be worn at the beach, but people grew accustomed to wearing them everywhere, and this is unacceptable. I've seen people wear these things almost every where, and every time I see some douchebag with Crocs on, I want to kick him in his crocs, if you know what I mean.

One day I was riding the subway train. Everything is quiet, and everyone keeps to themselves like most of the time. The train doors open and a swarm of businessmen in suits get aboard. A routine occurrence, except this time it was different. This time I noticed something, something that made me want to get up, knock the guys out, and leave the car without words. A businessman walks in train car in his thousand dollar suit, slick shades, briefcase, and he was blabbering about shit on his Bluetooth headset while picking at his Blackberry. He's already a douche for wearing that Bluetooth, but what's even worse, that's right, you guessed it, he had a pair of bright red Crocs on. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just shoot yourself right now before I have to. Red Crocs and a black business suit do not go together; hell, Crocs do not go well with anything, let alone on the subway. Get the fuck out of here, and do not even dare think of leaving your Crocs behind.

What's worse was, he sits down across from me. Now I get to stare at his shitty ass Crocs for the whole ride. It wouldn't have been so bad if his feet didn't smell. Oh yes, one of Crocs' many features, they are "odor-resistant and bacteriostatic." Well, you got that right, all the odor escapes the shoe through the barrage of holes on it and attacks everyone within a six foot radius of the wearer. Crocs not only look fucking ugly as hell, but they make your feet smell too. I've never seen a single person with Crocs who wore wear socks either. Have some fucking decency and wear some fucking socks at least. I don't want to see your ugly ass feet through your ugly ass shoes. "Well why are you looking at his feet in the first place?" Why? Well if his bright red Crocs didn't stick out so damn much I wouldn't have looked down there.

And now, the makers of Crocs have a special new product for douchebags just like the one I mentioned above. Crocs cellphone cases, so you can carry your Blackberry around in style. Fuck that.



Remember kids, say no to Crocs, because if you say yes, I will hunt you down and bust your balls.

Arcades Need An Age Limit

Okay, you know what really annoys the hell out of me? Kids. No, not kids as in everyday kids. Those are fine. What I'm talking about is the kids you find in arcades; they're just annoying as hell. Why? This is why: They don't know what the fuck they're doing.

Okay, so I go to an arcade to have some fun, cash my five dollar bill into quarters, and then when I go over to my favorite arcade game, The Fast And The Furious, I find this: Some five year old kid is sitting there, occupying my seat. I really wouldn't mind if he was actually playing the game, but he's not. He's just sitting there, turning the wheel while making "Whoooshing" sounds. I want to play the game, so I ask the kid if I can play. He says, "No, I'm playing!" I sigh and try to explain to him that he's not playing. The damn leaderboards are even up; how the hell are you playing with the leaderboards blocking your view? This either goes one of two ways: The kid finally gets a clue, leaves, and I get to play in peace, or, the kid gets up, leaves, and two minutes later he comes back with his mom and I get bitched at for harassing her son. What a load of shit.

Alright, so now I'm finally playing a race. I'm kicking back in my nice hard plastic seat, listening to the shitty music that the game has to offer, and of course, enjoying every damn minute of it. I'm mid-way into the race, and at this stage I'm either in third to first position depending on the map, when all of a sudden some little fucking kid comes out of no where and hits the N2O(Nitrous Oxide) button on the machine. My car suddenly thrusts forward at full speed while I ask the kid, "What the hell did you that for?" Next thing I know, I crash into a wall. I'm now in eight place. I'm pissed. The kid, with a big grin on his face, responds, "It makes you go faster!" No shit. There's no point to using nitrous during the race at all. All you need to do is stay clear of traffic, keep your velocity consistent, slow down on turns, and you should get to first place by the middle of the race. Unlike most people that play the game, I don't like to waste my N2O until the very end of the race when I have to go head to head against the computer controlled cars. Why? Because the only way to win against them is if you spam all of your nitrous while doing wheelies for an extra boost in your speed. This method almost always lands you in first place, if you do it correctly that is. And of course first place equals a free game. This is why I only need five dollars, because I get first most of the time, unlike all the kids that cash out a twenty for quarters and manage to waste it all within five minutes of playing. Kids...

The arcade game has a feature that lets you create an account that is attributed to a PIN that you create as well. The account lets you customize your cars once before every race(letting you add/upgrade perks such as nitrous, spoilers, tires, engines, neon lights, and decals), unlock new cars with money gained from races, and of course, displays your custom name/alias on the leaderboards for everyone to bask in your glory. Why am I telling you this? So you know what I'm talking about in the next scenario when I mention it.

Anyway, I always like human challengers on this game because it really gets boring playing against the computer all the time. I love it when little kids challenge me even more, because they get so frustrated when they lose. We both shove our quarters into the machine, and enter our PIN numbers so we can use our custom cars. I always choose my custom Dodge Challenger equipped with some nice tires, a spoiler, the second or third engine(the one that sticks out of the hood), and of course N2O, for those do-or-die situations. It's the only car that I have customized on my account, and I like it that way. The kid who is challenging me looks over at my car, chuckles, and shows me his "bad ass" Nissan 350Z, fully equipped with all the perks. Sure the acceleration, speed, control, and aerodynamics(amount of time your car stays in the air when you jump ramps/cliffs) are all at their best for his car, but damn, his car looks like shit. Here's a description of what that car looks like when you max out all of the upgrades: It has a big ass engine sticking out of its hood, neon lights under it for more awesomeness, spinning rims because those are really necessary, shitty decals that cover the car's paint-job, and of course let's not forget the five story spoiler on the back. Yeah kid, awesome car, I wish I was playing with that.

The race starts and the kid automatically uses up all three of his nitrous so he can thrust himself all the way to first place. He's doing really well, all until he crashes into a pedestrian car because he's driving on the wrong side of the road. Of course, he doesn't know that because he can't see shit in front of him with all the crap he has on his car. I speed by him, but I don't say anything. I stay calm and laugh to myself on the inside because I think it pisses them off even more. They're already bitching at the game because they're in last place; I don't need to shove in in their face. I end up winning the race in first, and most cases I still have nitrous left over. The kid is pissed, so he jams more quarters into the machine wanting a rematch and we repeat the process until he either runs out of quarters and leaves or gets so pissed that he just leaves in the middle of the race. Either way, I get some kicks out of his reactions.

Kids. They shouldn't be allowed in arcades, not if they're under twelve years old. I think kids above twelve have some decency and understanding, but hey, I could be wrong. I was actually told today that Japanese arcades actually have age restrictions. How I sometimes wish this was Japan...

How to set up your GoDaddy domain with Blogger

Okay, since I have not found a single website that guides you through step by step on how to set up your GoDaddy domain name with your blogger blog, I will just make have to make one myself.

There are two main parts to this guide: How to set up your GoDaddy domain's settings, and how to set up your Blogger's settings.

How to set up your GoDaddy settings:
1. Log into GoDaddy and go to Domains > My Domains.
2. Click on the domain that you want to use for your blog.
3. Find the "Total DNS Control and MX Records" link and click it.
4. Under the "Total DNS Control Panel," locate "CNAMES(Aliases)."
5. Click on the pencil icon to edit it.
6. Set it as these settings exactly: "Enter an Alias Name: www" & "Points to Host Name: ghs.google.com" If you don't know what TTL is, just leave it at 1 hour.
7. Hit OK.
8. Now we need to go back to the previous screen, the one where you found "Total DNS Control and MX Records," but this time find "Forwarding:" and click on the link below it.
9. You will get a "Forward and Mask Domains" section pop-up at the top. Click on the "Forwarding" tab.
10. Check the "enable forwarding" box, enter your blog's url(www.blog.blogspot.com) into the "Forward to:" box, and finally, click/check the "301 Moved Permanently" radio button.
11. Now press the "Masking" tab.
12. Check the "Enable masking" box. You can leave everything else blank for now.
13. Finally, hit OK.
14. You're done with part one, time for part two.

How to set up your Blogger settings:
1. Log into Blogger, go to "Dashboard," pick a blog, and click "Settings."
2. Under the "Settings" tab, click the "Publishing" tab.
3. Find this: "Switch to: • Custom Domain (Point your own registered domain name to your blog)," and click on "Custom Domain."
4. Under the orange text that says "Buy a domain for your blog," look for "Already own a domain? Switch to advanced settings." It's on the right side. Click "advanced settings."
5. For your domain, enter your godaddy domain in the input box. It should include both the www. and the .com. An example would look like this: "www.domain.com"
6. Enter the word verification code, hit "Save Settings," and you're done!

If you did everything correctly, your domain name will now lead to your blog.

If you did it this way, you won't have to worry about the error you get on Blogger when you try to set your blog to be hosted at both "www.domain.com" & "domain.com". A lot of people are getting a "Blogs may not be hosted at naked domains." error whilst trying to set it up this way. If you've set up your GoDaddy account from a different guide online, you probably changed the "A (Host)" settings on GoDaddy. I left this step out because it only will cause you problems.

This is how to fix the "Blogs may not be hosted at naked domains." error:
1. Log into GoDaddy and go to Domains > My Domains.
2. Click on the domain that you want to use for your blog.
3. Find the "Total DNS Control and MX Records" link and click it.
4. Under the "Total DNS Control Panel," locate "A (Host)."
5. Click on the pencil icon to edit it.
6. Set it as these settings exactly: "Host Name: @" & "Points To IP Address: 64.202.189.170" Again, leave the TTL at 1 hour.
7. Hit OK, and you're done.

After doing that, you won't have to bother trying to set up your Blogger settings to redirect "domain.com" to "www.domain.com," GoDaddy will do it for you automatically. Enjoy.

MetroPCS "Unlimit Yourself"

If you don't know what MetroPCS is, it's a relatively unpopular cell phone service provider. They offer unlimited calling for prices as little as $30 a month. Sure, they're not as popular as the bigshots: Cingular/AT&T, T-Mobile, Verizon, Sprint, etc, but that doesn't always mean that they're not a reliable company. Or does it?

The $30 a month unlimited calling plan looks like a total waste of money. You are only allowed to make unlimited local calls, and based on this chart, it doesn't seem like you can purchase any additional services like voicemail, caller id, call waiting, text messaging, email, maps, ringtones, and all that other crap that you don't really need. Wait, since when do I need to purchase voicemail and caller id as an extra service with a phone comapany? An extra charge for the basics? This doesn't sound very promising.

If all you're looking for is just unlimited calling locally, then go for it, but be warned. Why the warning? This is why: The range of connectivity is fairly low with this company. Take a look here for yourself. There are a few good "hot zones" throughout the country, mainly major cities such as New York, NY; San Francisco, CA; Waco, TX; and so on. I'd say about ten major cities tops are good places to use this service. If you don't live in any of them, do yourself a favor and just stay away from this company.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase. Let's take a look at some responses from a few happy customers using MetroPCS and see what they have to say about this their fantastic usage and experiences. I'll try to keep them as recent as possible.
- - -
"2/18/2009 - Location: Bronx, NY

I recently purchased a phone from this company and I was disappointed. I only received one game on this phone, I could not make or receive phone calls out of state, I was misinformed by the employees. When asked about the return policy, I was told that I had seven days to return the phone. Five-six days later I was told that I could not return the phone or upgrade the phone.

That is horrible business considering I paid $150 dollars for a crappy phone. The features of this phone are very cheap. If I could recommend a phone to anyone it would not be from Metro PCS or Kyocera. When I tried to call customer service I was also given the run around and told that no one could help me but the store that I brought it from. Now doesn't that suck? By the way they refuse to give you back your money as if this country is already not in enough debt from greedy, selfish corporate owners.

If for some strange reason they decide that they have any morals and will give me my money back I will definitely post it and give them credit!"
- - -
"2/7/2009 - Location: Dallas, TX

Currently MetroPCS is my only phone. I'm not necessarily unhappy with the actually service or phone, but their customer service capabilities and attitude are horrendous. Because the free month they start you with is always the $45 plan with all the bells and whistles, I made sure to change my plan prior to my first payment to the $40 plan with NO extras.

After making the change, I was told that my monthly bill would be $48.30. Okay...I paid it and all seemed well. Now my second payment is supposedly $49.21, so I called to find out why there was an extra $.91 on the bill. Here's a tip when calling that frustrating recorded 'help' line: choose the option 'manage my account' then say 'something else' when they ask you to state an option. Mind you, you'll be on hold for an eternity but it should get you to an agent. After figuring that out, I got some very rude gentleman (and I use that term loosely)who kept telling me that I had a leftover balance from the month before and said he 'thought' it might be due to end of the year taxes..? That's the equivalent of saying 'I have no idea and will just make up any excuse to explain what I don't know'. I will try obtaining my account number..something they don't give you when you first sign up..tomorrow and viewing my bill online myself. I haven't yet looked closely, but I suspect there might be a charge for that. Sigh.

I've never done business with anyone who won't provide at least an online bill for your convenience, but I've also never done business with a company who makes it so difficult to talk to customer service either. Just remember people, there is a HUGE difference between inexpensive and cheap. This company is just cheap. Management is invisible, customer service is incompetent and you really do get what you pay for."
- - -
"2/16/2009 - Location: Detroit , MI
My experiences with Metro PCS have been great I never had a problem with my service originally I bought Motorola k1m and it was stolen and I had insurance so I called to have my phone replaced. They were out of stock on my phone and suggested a phone that was a couple of dollars less than what my phone was and asked me if that would be ok I said no so they transferred me to a supervisor who got me the Motorokr which is actually and upgrade on my phone and had it here in two days. I probably was only out my phone 3 days. Good service if you ask me."
- - -
"1/26/2009 - Location: san jose, CA

On January 15 or 16 I bought a Razr V3 phone on the internet during the process of buying it said try another card I was absolutely sure the credit card was good because I called before I purchase the phone. It was supposed to be delivered in 3 days now it 10 days later January 26 still have not receive the phone. I called the credit card company the said the amount the phone cost from MetroPCS was deducted from my credit card. But still no phone yet."
- - -
"12/12/2008 - Location: TX
I thought having Metro PCS for my kids was a good idea since it's one fee per month well guess again!!!! They change your plan with out notice you can never reach a customer service without being on hold for 45 mins. And when you go to one of the stores to get help they 9xs out of 10 have no clue to what they are even doing! The corp. office in Garland, Texas the people are just RUDE as H&%$!!!! They tell you when you sign up that the bill will be this amount plus tax and I have had them for 4 months and the bill has NEVER been the same!

They send each one of my daughters a text message that the bill is due and NEVER has the bill been the same on each text message."
- - -

Okay, so looking at some reviews, we can see that there are a lot of happy customers with this company. We can also deduct that customer service is fast, reliable, and friendly. That was sarcasm, if you didn't notice. If you want to read more reviews for MetroPCS, this is where I got them from: MetroPCS Reviews. And remember, MetroPCS: Unlimit Yourself, unlimit yourself to bullshit.

Bluetooth

What a fag. And not to mention his wife looks like a man too, what a perfect couple.

I can't stand Bluetooth, and I really can't stand people wearing them. Alright, I get it, it's cool wearing a headset so you can talk to your pals without holding your phone next to your face the whole time. It's a great way to free up that extra hand. I'm sure you feel really important while you're strolling down the street having a full blown business conversation on it, but in reality, you just look crazy to everyone else, especially if we can't even see that you're wearing a headset.

Why the hell would you need a Bluetooth headset while you're walking down the street anyway? I mean sure, you have use of both your hands now, but what the hell are you going to use your hands for while walking down the street? I mean, I can see if you're riding a bike it can be useful, but seriously, have you ever seen people riding bikes wearing these things? I sure haven't. Hell, I've even seen people using cellphones while riding their bikes.

I guess those classy businessmen(the ones in suits that carry suitcases around) can use a spare hand while talking on the phone and walking down the street. You know, just in case some middle-class loser bumps into your brand new thousand dollar suit, you'll have that extra hand to brush the dust off of your suit(of course you'll be wearing leather gloves too) all while still being able to carry your suitcase in your other hand and being able to tell your friends how some douchebag just ran right into you. Isn't that useful?

But hey, Bluetooth isn't just for rich people, it's for everyone who wants to look like a rich douchebag! Simply buy a Bluetooth headset, place it on your ear, and walk around talking about random crap on it. You'll be the coolest mofo on the block, I promise you that. You'll get everyone's attention in no time. People will be admiring that awesome attachement on your ear. You'll hear things such as, "Gee, I wish I had a Bluetooth headset," "If had one of those, I could fuck and talk to my frineds at the same time," and maybe you'll even hear some little aspiring child say, "Wow, when I grow up, I want to be a real douchebag just like that guy!" So please, if you don't already own a Bluetooth headset, please go out and buy one right now. You'll never want to use a hand-held cellphone again!

On somewhat of a side note, but still very related, let's look at this useless hunk of junk:

Wow, Verizon's LG Decoy has a Bluetooth headset that you can plug in the phone, Neat-O! What a waste, seriously. A phone with a detachable headset, that's sooo cool! I can see it can be useful if you want to charge your headset on-the-go, but what the hell, it's just eating up your phone's battery. Uh oh, the phone's ringing, let me snap off the headset, snuggly fit it on my ear, and answer the call. Yeah, that's pretty useful if you're working out or something I guess, but if you're sitting in a fucking subway car and actually take the time to put that shit on your ear, well, you could have just answered the call instead of missing it. "But I need my hands to read a book!" If you're reading a book, why the hell are you having a conversation with someone at the same time? How is that even possible? Hell, I sure can't do both at the same time, but if you can, congrats, but you're still a douchebag for wearing that Bluetooth.

Cheers.